Sunday, 8 February 2015

Can you have Roots & Wings?

The first time I heard the expression 'Roots & Wings' was in my dad's Father of the Bride speech.  I had just returned from a 4 year stint in Australia to come home to Scotland and get married.  When my dad said it that day, my wedding day, I felt instant tears prick. Because, one, I knew he was proud of me for what I had done, gone off into the big bad world to try things out for myself, to see what the world had to offer, to just go out there and be me and, two, how proud he was that I had came home to my roots.  To where I was meant to be.

SO here I am over 5 years later not very many weeks off my return to Australia and I heard that expression come up again and it hurt.  Right in the heart!  The thing is I really makes me ask myself what it means to me and where do I fit in?   Are roots and wings ever a permanent thing? And can you have both?  Can you have roots and can you have wings? Or if you give in to one are you completely disrespecting the other? Now here I am dislodging my roots to open my wings again and it's exciting and challenging, but it hurts. Hurts to know how it effects my family, my friends, my kids, my kids friends, my kids friends mums, my work, my world, what I've worked so incredibly hard at building up, what and who I'm leaving.

I'm not the only person who's ever done it and I know that.  I suppose everyone goes through times were they are pulled in more than one direction, who might feel a split, who struggle to work out where they fit in and I take solace in that.   I still don't know the answer maybe I will work it out.  I'm sure my own kids will test me on it in the future.  I know they will and I know that will not make it any easier when it happens and it's my child spreading they're wings.  So what do you think? Can you have both? Should we have to choose? 

(So I wrote this a while ago I just never had the guts to hit publish so here it is in all it's bitter sweet, heart on my sleeve glory.  Soundtrack was (completely by chance but very relevant)  A Thousand Miles (Live Acoustic) - Vanessa Carlton.